Lately

Lately I have been feeling a lot of things but mostly I am tired.  The babies do not like to sleep.  They will cat nap off and on and rarely sleep for the whole time between feedings.  We are all a little tired in our house.  We are hoping that as the babies get older and a little bigger they will begin to sleep better.  Both babies weighed about 7 1/2 pounds last week so I think we are getting there.

With a preemie it is hard to judge what they should be doing.  Even though the babies have been here since May 4, doctors only consider them 10 days old.  This is their adjusted age.  To calculate an adjusted age you start counting when they hit their original due date. So their due date was July 14 and that is considered day 1.  With this it is hard to know if what they are doing is like a newborn or an almost three month old.  They are not doing some of the things that a two month old would be but they are getting there. Both babies are getting better at holding their heads up and don't mind tummy time.  They are starting to hold on to things but do not grab on to toys etc when they are put in front of them.  They are starting to smile but have not smiled in response to stimulation. I can't wait for this to happen.  Another preemie mom told me that she got so tired of people asking her how old her baby was and when she told them their reaction was always to comment about how small the baby was. She finally decided to just tell people the babies adjusted age and leave it at that. 

I am feeling very blessed these days.  I have heard awful stories about babies who are sick and seeing their battles makes me feel very blessed that I have two healthy babies. 

We have been busy these past couple weeks getting to know these precious little ones.  We are still trying to figure out the sleeping thing but I know it will get better.  We have had some visitors but mainly have kept the babies to ourselves.  We have only ventured to the doctor but are hoping to start getting out more. I am just so paranoid about germs and them getting sick.  Well with that being said we spent last Saturday at Childrens hospital with Miss Emma.  The week before at the babies two month check up they received their two month shots.  I was extremely nervous about this. I know there is a lot of debate out there about vaccines and I have read a lot from both sides. If they weren't preemies then I probably would be doing delayed vaccines if at all.  I just feel like I am putting poison in their little bodies but I know that there are benefits to them.  Well anyway after the shots both babies were running slight fevers. I was not concerned about this. But after four days Emma was still running fever and it was not getting better. She also had a rash on her face and neck.  Thank Goodness our pedi sees sick kids on weekends because we ran her up there and the next thing we knew we were being sent to the hospital.  It was a long day but luckily Emma only had a virus. It was really scary and I hated seeing my little girl get another iv!  With preemies a fever usually means a trip to the hospital so I am constantly praying that they will stay healthy.  Levi ended up getting the virus and both have been extremely stuffy this week.  So i debate about taking them places because they have only been to the dr and both got sick. It's so hard knowing what to do.

I will have to write later about the reflux battle and my dwindling milk supply. I will also post pictures soon. They have gotten so big. In a few weeks we are having professional pictures taken and I am so excited!  I hope you all are doing well.  Please pray that we will get some sleep soon!

Happy Two Months!!

Today the babies are two months old. I cannot believe it.  They have had such a big life so far.  Emma and Levi have been home for a week and life has changed so much.  We are adjusting to having two little lives with us. No we are not sleeping much but I wouldnt change a thing to have these two with us.  Here are some two month stats:

Emma:
Weight- 6 lbs 5 oz
Height- 18 in
Clothes- newborn onesies and sleepers (even though they are big)
Diapers- newborn diapers

Levi:
Weight- 6 lbs 4.5 oz
Height- 18 in
Clothes- Newborn
Diapers- Newborn

Dear Emma and Levi~

Even though you have only been here for a week, I cannot remember life without you both.  The eight weeks you were in the NICU were some of the hardest times of my life but I feel incredibly blessed that you are both healthy.  I worry about you everyday and pray that you will continue to thrive.  You are my sunshines and my love for you is shocking!!!!

Emma Bug- You ae such a cuddly little girl and love to sleep.  Your eyes are still blue and your hair is light brown.  You make these little grunting sounds that sound like a little lamb.  You are already stubborn. when you don't want to eat there is no forcing you.  I hope that you will be brave and have the courage to stand up for what you believe in. I hope that you know how beautiful and smart you are and that I will always be here for you!

Levi aka Little Man- You are so funny and you make the cutest faces. In the NICU you were known as the little old man. You always look like you are contemplating something really important.  You love to be held.  You will lay down for a little while but then want to be held.  You are a pretty good eater and will wake up hungry sometimes.  I hope that you will turn out to be like your daddy. I hope that you will be a man of integrity.  I hope that you will be brave and loving. I hope that you know that I am always here for you.

Here are a few pics~

they did not want their picture taken together but i had to put it in here because it is so funny! this does not give me great hope for the professional photography session we have coming up!!!

A Preemie Mom

A Preemie Mother's Oath







I have sat in the NICU and waited.


I have cried and prayed.


I have endured.




Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.




I will notice everything about my child.


I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.




I will marvel at my surviving miracle every day for the rest of my life.




I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to a nurse taking another temperature, an alarm going off, another round of meds or because I am crying tears for fear of the unknown.




I will be happy because my baby is alive and crying out for me.




I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.




Whether I parent a preemie with physical challleges or medical issues, I will not be careless with my love.




I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.




I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.




I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.




I have prevailed.


I have succeeded.




I have won.






So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.


I listen.














And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.




I have learned to appreciate life.


Yes I will be a wonderful mother.






~Author Unknown~

I found this the other day and it felt very true so I thought I would share!